Tag Archives: marriage counsel

some basic marriage advice

12 Feb


Having married at 17, divorced at 26, married for a second time at 26, I have some strong feelings about marriage, love, and having someone near you, near enough to touch, without intimate love making; yet so near they are you; your heart.

A friend once told me he just enjoyed waking with Anita next to him, and her sleeping beside.
Another friend once told me, after being married a month, that awaking and seeing Mike on his knees praying in the room next to their bed, moved her to tears.
These moments above don’t need advice; they are moments of love. Images of real people in love. in love with God, each other, giving, love itself. The advice below is for those who are missing a moment like those above. It is advice about treading water and then building to not treading water.

I told friends that my marriage seminar book will be titled: stop, drop and roll.

Stop-stop saying anything, listen
Drop-drop the crap; the self-pity;the ‘I could of should have’…drop to the ground and be humble.
Roll-roll in the moment, good or bad. Roll to put out the fire; roll with and to enjoy the other; in water; in your bed; your life. Roll.

Second bit of advice: find a newly married couple (less than a year) and make them your accountability in your marriage. Why? Look for people who should have the passion there with them everyday; watch; listen to them; recapture life, your love.

Next, spiritually consider your spouse to be a holy messenger from God to you. Just for you. Why? Listen. Me? I walk fast. Priscilla? She walks slowly. She looks at birds; the moon; flowers; people. Me? I walk fast-point a to point b. What is God telling me thru Priscilla’s slow pace? Charlie, look. Listen. To me, because I am all around you. Isaiah 6 has Angels, messengers, giving us these words: ‘Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory.’ Question: if the whole of our earth is full of God’s glory how is it we can walk down the streets and not see the glories of God?
Answer: Sin blinds us so we take glory; his gift; his indescribable gift, 2 Corinthians 9:15 for granted. Just like I do after many years of marriage. She, Priscilla, is part of his glorious message, his gift, just for me. Look slowly. Listen carefully. Watch my walking.

Fourth, and last point for today: as I have written in this blog post earlier, ask her, ask him, everyday-internally and externally-everyday to marry you. Everyday.
And if you do this fourth bit everyday, you may have some, some special moments of glory in your life. A love message just for you. For you.